Les Dawson — English Comedian born on February 02, 1933, died on June 10, 1993

Leslie "Les" Dawson, Jr. was an English comedian, actor, writer, and presenter, who is best remembered for deadpan style, curmudgeonly persona and jokes about his mother-in-law and wife... (wikipedia)

The mother-in-law came round last week. It was absolutely pouring down. So I opened the door and I saw her there and I said, 'Mother, don't just stand there in the rain. Go home.'
In awe, I watched the waxing moon ride across the zenith of the heavens like an ambered chariot towards the ebony void of infinite space wherein the tethered belts of Jupiter and Mars hang, for ever festooned in their orbital majesty. And as I looked at all this I thought... I must put a roof on this toilet.
My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well. I was amazed; I never knew they worked.
The mother-in-law is the centre of a family.
My mother-in-law said, 'One day I will dance on your grave.' I said 'I hope you do; I will be buried at sea.'