Paula Poundstone — American Comedian born on December 29, 1959,

Paula Poundstone is an American stand-up comedian, author, actress, interviewer and commentator. Beginning in the late 1980s, she performed a series of one-hour HBO comedy specials. She provided backstage commentary during the 1992 presidential election on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno. She is a frequent panelist on National Public Radio's weekly news quiz show Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me... (wikipedia)

When we save the rain forest, the polar bear, and Al Gore, we should party so hard that Canada calls the cops on us for noise.
I'm thankful for the three ounce Ziploc bag, so that I have somewhere to put my savings.
I don't have a bank account because I don't know my mother's maiden name.
I don't need a holiday or a feast to feel grateful for my children, the sun, the moon, the roof over my head, music, and laughter, but I like to take this time to take the path of thanks less traveled.
I can make things, but I don't cook them, exactly. Like salmon, I can stick that in a pan. Or the other day I made noodles, but they were hard. It never occurred to me to check them; I just stopped cooking them when I felt they were ready. Really, I'm too absentminded.

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