Tommy Cooper Quotes

Tommy Cooper — British Comedian born on March 19, 1921, died on April 15, 1984

Thomas Frederick "Tommy" Cooper was a Welsh prop comedian and magician. Cooper was a member of the Magic Circle, and respected by traditional magicians. He was famed for his red fez, and his appearance was large and lumbering, at 6 feet 4 inches and more than 15 stone in weight. On 15 April 1984, Cooper collapsed, and died soon afterwards, from a heart attack on national television... (wikipedia)

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.

A woman tells her doctor, 'I've got a bad back.' The doctor says, 'It's old age.' The woman says, 'I want a second opinion.' The doctor says: 'Okay - you're ugly as well.'

A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'

I went window shopping today! I bought four windows.

So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me 'Can you give me a lift?' I said 'Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.'