I've always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.
Little bitty bags are completely impractical - I like big slouchy bags because they have to be comfortable for my lovely wee Chihuahua Tequila, who comes everywhere with me. I'm devoted to him, now my kids have long since flown the nest.
What a wee little part of a person's life are his acts and his words! His real life is led in his head, and is known to none but himself.
My very first car was a grey Alfa Romeo Alfasud, which I got in 1987. But, in our family, all cars were for sale - so they might be there in the morning and were gone at night. In the mid-90s, I joined Porsche and the Carrera was the car, and the Carrera 4S was the one they gave me. As a wee boy from Dumfries, I couldn't believe it.
Mind you, I've always been musical... Mother used to sit me on her knee and I'd whisper, 'Mummy, Mummy, sing me a lullaby do,' and she'd say: 'Certainly my angel, my wee bundle of happiness, hold my beer while I fetch me banjo.'
To be honest, I probably wouldn't have gone to Hollywood if I hadn't been offered 'Ugly Betty' because I was a wee bit feart. But you have to make yourself frightened. That's what keeps you alive.
The greenness of Ireland is a false greenness, after all. Not that it isn't green - the place can still make you have to pull off and swallow one of your heart pills. It's that the greenness doesn't mean what it seems. It doesn't encode a pastoral past, much less a timeless vale where wee folk trip the demesne.
My grandparents never understood why my mother Noreen chose such exotic names for her children: Damon and me. My granny insisted on calling my brother Dermot - a good Irish name - until she died; I was just known as 'wee one.'
I was Lady Gaga way before her time. I had a wee kettle for a handbag. Didn't everyone, at some point? One of the teachers used to call me Dame Flora Robson because I had this big, long Victorian skirt. And I wore a Peruvian hat. It was the 1980s - people were wearing lots of lace.
I'd been a fanatic of movies since I was a wee lad, so I got into the films before I got into the comics.